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how did i live without you?

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sometimes when i am sitting on a plane, thinking about plummeting to an early grave, i ask myself “what would be sadder; dying next to the freak show in seat 17B or not living on to purchase all these amazing skymall products?”  as soon as i got home from my recent vacation i logged onto the skymall website and tried to set up a fake wedding registry (another hobby of mine) so andrew and i could solicit gifts from distant, clueless family members. unfortunately, skymall.com doesn’t offer such a feature (expect an angry letter). if it did these two gems would top my list…

 

the only portable microwave oven

Microwavenot only can you plug this snazzy portable microwave oven into your car DC outlet, you could even connect it to your car battery (jumper cables provided)! i don’t have a car but i would consider buying one if someone gave this to me. it is also important to note that unlike a traditional, non-skymall microwave oven, this model features the only three preset buttons that are of use to me: pizza, coffee and popcorn. 

 

the marshmallow shooter

Marshmallow the description for the marshmallow shooter reads “This clever pump-action device shoots sweet, edible miniature marshmallows over 30′, and–unlike other marshmallow blasters–it comes with an LED sight that projects a safe beam of red light to help locate a target for accuracy.” i wasn’t aware of any competing marshmallow weapons available on the market but i am again reassured that skymall has my best interests at heart and its finger on the shitty product pulse. if i owned this i would end up sending someone to the emergency room. that someone would probably be me. 

 

skymall if you are reading this, please develop a gift registry. and please know i am a dedicated self-starter proficient in both PC and Mac willing to accept product in lieu of pay.

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